Jan Cruz 「28 Unique Dating Struggles Of A Gay Asian Man In Toronto」

Posted on March 03, 2016
It’s a small world out there.

1. Most guys you meet think that you are too young, or that look too young.
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2. Which always leads them to questioning your age.
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“Are you really 23?”
“Do you wanna see my ID?”

3. And then trying to guess what “kind” of Asian you are.
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4. If they guess correctly, they will try to impress you with their ~vast knowledge~ of your culture.
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5. You’ll eventually be asked if you speak your native language, and if you say “no,” you’ll be met with suuuuch disappointment.
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6. If you do speak your native language, you’ll immediately be asked to say a few phrases.
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“Say what?”

7. Going on apps like Tinder and Grindr outside of Toronto sometimes makes you wonder if you’re the only Asian person out there.
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Or minority, even.

8. The idea of an “Asian fetish” constantly distresses you in the dating world.
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9. There is an assumption from non-Asian guys that you’re either feminine and/or submissive.
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10. This especially happens if you have dyed or longer hair.
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“Are you going for a KPop, Anime or trying to be white kind of look?”

11. Aside from the myriad of other stereotypes, you’re also expected to be skinny, or seriously fit.
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12. If you tell your date you’re not from downtown Toronto, some might automatically assume you’re really rich or FOB.
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Markham? Scarborough? Missisauga? It’s sort of Toronto-ish, right? Does this even matter? But I’m mostly staying out of the city to stay away from you.

13. There’s no way you’re travelling downtown, or vice-versa, for a hookup in the middle of the night.
Jan Cruz / BuzzFeed Canada

14. If you blushed when you drink (~Asian flush~), people take it as an opportunity to hit on you because you look drunker than you are.

15. When you’re with non-Asian friends, guys will come up to you and ask where your “other” friends are.

They mean the other gay Asians.

16. Or if they see a group of Asians at a bar, or at the Pride Parade, they’ll assume you’re all together.

17. But let’s face it – they are kinda like your ~brothers~.

18. You’ll ask each other for advice and talk about guys you’ve met.
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19. And sometimes they start seeing the guy you’ve met or talked about... but that’s OK!
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20. But when you run into the nouveau couple on the TTC (because it will happen), it suddenly becomes awkward.
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21. Especially if you end up at the same restaurant in Chinatown.
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(I really just want to finish this bowl of pho. But thanks for showing up. I’m leaving now.)

22. The world starts getting even smaller than it already is when you spot people you’ve seen or met online IRL.
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Never leaving the house.

23. And you’ll start to notice them around the city everywhere. I mean, everywhere.
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24. You then slowly realize some of these people are the very ones who did not reply to your messages online...
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“Why do I even bother?”

25. And you try to hide. BUT NOWHERE IS SAFE.
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That new little restaurant by The Annex? He’s there. You can only run in circles.

26. You always get hit on in the place you’d least expect (like, in Pacific Mall, when all you wanted was a cute new iPhone case).
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27. But in the end, you continue getting out there!
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Even if it means you become the main topic of discussion among your family.

28. But — you swear — if one more person asks you... “Do you know my cousin?”

NO, NOT EVERY GAY ASIAN GUY IN TORONTO KNOWS EACH OTHER.

But sometimes we do.

And we support each other.



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